I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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