Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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