im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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