Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
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I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
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Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.