sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.