I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?