Duck Duck Cougar?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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