She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
