Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
