someone owes me an orgasm
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
