I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
