you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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