are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
