As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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