i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
try to milk me bitch
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
