I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
