In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
