I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
