is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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