kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
