I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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