On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
