i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
