That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
