last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She tied me up with her honor cords...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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