Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
