His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
