make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
