Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
