These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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