How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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