Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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