rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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