That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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