We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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