This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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