Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do vagina's smell?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
