Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.