First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
