Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?