Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere