Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
