I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
