Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
