I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
