I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
