Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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