it wasn't lemon gatorade
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
