i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
