Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
