I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
