Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
