So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
