I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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