home. puking in laundry basket.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
