just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
