A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
