Tell her she can't have a vagina
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
