Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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