I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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