and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
