I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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