YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
