I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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