Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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