I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
