walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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