it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
