Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
