Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
