my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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