there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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