Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
