I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
