true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
