I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
