Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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