laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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