Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
