So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Someone signed my nipple.
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