I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
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I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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