Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
