I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
