i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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