so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
